Dinner and Bowling....the down south way

So me and Joe decided that it would be fun to take the family out for dinner and bowling. Well, you see, in our small town, the only "family" restaurant is J.B's (yeah, high dining)and the only bowling center is, well, I will describe that one in a sec.
So we take the kids to this fancy restaurant named J.B's, which by the way, the initials stand for "Just Broke", anyway, we sit and order. Our waiter asks us for drinks, and we give him our order for drinks. We sit, and sit and sit and wait and wait, playing hand games with each other, creating new worlds out of napkins, comparing the size of each others hands, etc, etc. Then we get our drinks. I'm thinking to myself, "If this is how long it takes to get drinks, then by the time we get our food, we will be bowling at midnight!"
And we are maybe 1 of 5 tables of customers that night, so I can't blame it on how busy they were.
So, we order and continue to play more games, stare into nothingness...
A million years later our food shows up, well, everyone's but Christophers and Jayce's. Which is really bad, because Jayce is starving and thinks that he won't get any food, and well Christopher was just eyeing my fries the whole time.
A little while later after I had thrown Jayce some pity fries, his food came. We ate and had to put the rest in a "to-go" container and left for bowling.
We arrived at our little bowling alley, now let me take a moment to describe this place. It's a business, at one time, I was told, was really fun, it had a water slide, a mini golf course, 20 lanes of bowling, pool, video games, a restaurant. Fast forward to now, the golf course is overran with weeds, and closed, they put up a wall and cut the bowling alley into 10 lanes, no restaurant, and the water slide looks like something post apocalyptic.
We get there about 45 minutes before they close. The lady behind the desk looks like we just woke her from a hundred year slumber, and with her sat a man with a tiny dog next to him. Enough said.
We get shoes, and go to our lanes. They actually had to turn the lights on for us, well, because we were the only ones there.
I kept thinking to myself, "If they would paint the walls, install some lights, replace the carpet, hire someone alive, and advertise, this place could make some money. And with that money, they could fix the mini golf course, maybe turn the other side into a roller skating rink and open the restaurant again. I wouldn't even try to fix the water slide, that thing looks beyond repair."
It's sad, because that place is the closest thing to our home that has some semblance to "fun".
After we got home, I just decided this:
1. I make way better food then J'B's and a lot cheaper
2. Playing wii with the family is ten times funner then putting on ancient bowling shoes and playing in the "land before time" bowling center.

Gas cooking for Dummies (I say this lightly)

So the other day I wanted to bake some cookies (Hey, they were healthy!)so I mixed up my batter, preheated the oven, and sprayed the cookie sheet, you know the routine. Well, about 10 min later I started feeling slightly light headed, (insert joke here). I looked around the kitchen and couldn't spot anything at first, then I thought, "Hmmm, I smell gas". Yep, the logical conclusion would be that my oven sat at 100 degrees permeating the kitchen with gas.
I cleared out of the kitchen and opened up all the windows, and sat thinking to myself. Well, you would think I would be worried about the gas effects, but NO, I was thinking "now how am I going to cook these cookies?"
Then lo and behold, I caught a glimmer of sun reflecting off my shiny BBQ-er, and got one of those "AH-HA" moments.
I made a mad dash into my gas filled home and grabbed that poor cookie sheet and ran back outside.
Step one, Fire up the grill
Step two, Put cookie sheet in grill
Step three, drink some diet coke
Step four, watch the temperature slowly creep up to 450 degrees
Step five, singe arm hair removing smoking cookie sheet
Step six, (now this is the most important step) DONT GIVE UP
Step seven, give the kids the half cooked burnt on the bottom cookies, so they can dare each other to eat them
Step eight, make another batch and THIS time, turn the burners down to medium, watch the gage go to 375 and then put the new batch in.
Now the amazing thing is that it works! So while my pathetic oven refuses to behave itself, I have been cooking on the grill outside.
I've used it to cook casseroles, cookies, stuffed zucchini, just about anything I can think of, in fact, I've been trying to "find" reasons to use it,
that is until today...
it ran out of gas
(sigh)
I wonder what cookies would taste like over the fire pit? hmmmm
I will be right back.....

Bug Hotel

So the other day, Jayce comes in the house and asks if he can collect all the earwigs and rolly-polly's in the yard so that he could put them all in one place and call it a "hotel for bugs". Cute enough, so I said, "Yeah, of course".
I kind of remember when I was a kid, treating bugs like toys. I remember playing with ants, rolly polly's, ant lions, flies, spiders, and whatever unfortunate insect that had the misfortune of crossing my path on a day of boredom.
So seeing that Jayce wanted to collect these, didn't really faze me, especially since it's just a kid thing to do.
I was in the kitchen and every once in a while I could hear him, and his friend Gabe, shouting out their victories, "Look this one is real fat one!" or "Look, I caught two at one time, and they are trying to pinch me".
I thought, I have got to get a picture of this, this is just too cute, well, the boys, not the bugs.
Before I had a chance to grab my camera, I got distracted by a phone call and about 10 min later, I went to hunt for this "Bug Hotel". I searched in the front yard, where I heard the boys playing, and no boys. Went to the backyard, and still couldn't find them. I felt bad I missed the opportunity to take a picture, so I came back in the house and put my camera away. Just as I was sitting down at my computer, Jayce runs by with his hand cupped, I call him over and this is the conversation:
Me: Jayce, what do you have in your hands (this is such a dangerous question to ask a 8 year old)
Jayce: Look mom, I have at least 20 Rolly Polly's
(As he opens his hands to reveal at least 20)
Me: Great, so is this for your bug hotel?
Jayce: Yep, we have collected so many bugs for our hotel
Me: You know, I wanted to take a picture of you bug hotel, is that ok?
Jayce: Yeah, follow me
So I follow him, down the hallway, to the laundry room, wait, not to the laundry room, where the back door is, he's still walking
Me: Jayce, where are you going?
Jayce: To show you the bug hotel.
Me: (Calmly)But I thought you made this hotel out in the backyard?
Jayce: We did
(Whew!)
Jayce: But we moved into my room, we want them to be comfortable
Me: AHHHHHH
As I gingerly follow him into his room, he leads me over to a spot, boxed in with pillows and cardboard, and lo and behold, a TON of earwigs and rolly polly's and some other bugs thrown in for good measure.
So as a Mother, and as all Mothers know, you have to not show repulsion as you kid beams with pride at his creation. And as all good mothers know you have to be quick with a solution
Me: Aww,um, hey Jayce, you know what Hotels are right?
Jayce: Yeah, they have a bed and tv and we get to stay up all night.
Me: Yeah, but the most important thing is that they have beds right?
Jayce: uh-huh
Me: So let me go get a special spray that will put these bugs to sleep.
Jayce: Oh yeah!
I run to grab the bug spray, with a mix of guilt and humor, and a whole lot of plain creepiness.
I get back and tell the kids to gather the rolly polly's and take them outside, really because I like them and they had no choice in their relocation. But watching those earwigs run around with their tiny pinchers and gazillion legs, yep, no sympathy!
So as the boys took the bugs outside, I sprayed with everything I had into that bug hotel and watched as they insects slowly "fall asleep"
The boys came in and I had them take their cardboard box outside, I told them that the bugs "sleep" better in fresh air (well don't we all?)
So they happily take their hotel outside. When they come back in, I gently tell them that bugs like it in their homes, outside, and we like them to stay there because we like our home inside.
My son is very compassionate, and always thinks of the wellfare of other and soon he will understand, so do I

The joys of a public restroom

I really never gave much thought to public restrooms, really tried hard not to think about it, but none-the-less, I had an experience that seemed blog worthy.
So we are traveling home from Salt Lake and thought it would be good to stop at Fillmore for gas. There is a whole other story about Fillmore and "Gas" but that will have to wait. Anyway, I decided to use the bathroom, got there and there was a line, of course, so I decided to wait till we get to a rest stop.
We drive a little more way and find one, a great little rest stop, everything you would desire in one, such as large building with lots of trees for hiding bodies, garbage cans that had such a tiny hole to put trash in, that one could really lose a hand throwing away a drink, um, let see, bad "stalker" lighting, you get the picture.
But alas, the bathrooms where actually not that bad. I go in among the maze of walls and when I get there, no one is there, nice change!
As soon as I thought this, a caravan of women and children come in. Its funny when they think no one is there the conversations that they have. Here is a sample.
Kid: Whew, I made it!
Parent: I told you we would, and see now you don't have to use the bottle.
me: (thinking) poor child, and ewww
Kid: I don't think I want to drink any more, I don't like waiting to pee.
Parent: If you don't drink anymore, you will look like a raisin and then we will have to put you in our cereal
me: I can see this parent looking at her child's future therapy bill.
Parent: Are you done yet, you've been in there a long time
Kid: but Mom, I want to make sure all the pee is gone, I don't want to wait again
Parent: If you have to go really bad, you can always use the bottle, Dad does it all the time.
Me: OK! Time to get out of here!
I didn't know if I should feel sorry for this child or for myself, since I am now scarred for life and will never take a bottle of ANYTHING with me in the car.
Well, it's probably not that bad, but still....ewwwwww

What?! I don't look old enough?

So, I auditioned for this movie being filmed in my area. As I sat in my chair among all the young beautiful people, I couldn't help get the sense that maybe I was a little "old" to be auditioning for this play. Which really, sucks, because as you all know, I am eternally young! So moving forward, it came time for me to audition for real (as opposed to 'pretending' to audition, ah the joys of adrenaline! I walked up and introduced myself, looking at a panel of faces, I couldn't tell if they were about to crack up laughing, giving me that "I'm trying to keep a straight face" face, I started to question why I even came. But alas, my ego, kept me standing there with a script in my hand and a camera and light shining in my face. It's funny when you get to a point where you are trying so hard to look like you know what you are doing, but your confidence slides out the back door, you realize what if feels like to do something for the first time (all over again).
They gave me a couple of parts to read, the old medical examiner, the old mother, the old dispatcher, etc, I, of course, seeing the trend jokingly asked, "Do you want me to read for the young, attractive, women who dies in the first 15 min of the film?" ha,ha, he....he....little snicker...C'mon People! It was a joke!
After I read, I got the "head nods, and handshakes" and "thanks for (making us laugh, it made our day) coming in and auditioning"
Went home, shook my head and decided that I would stick to writing and directing my own little theater.
Fast forward, a day later, (I guess not that fast, but it felt like a long time) they called me. Here is the conversation:
Them: So we thought we might have a part for you.
Me: Really? Cool!
Them: Um, yeah. Well we think you would be great in the "dispatcher" role.
Me: Really? Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun!
Them: Yeah, but we have to make you look a little different, are you ok with that?
Me: As long as you don't give me facial hair, no teeth, and make me say "ya-all" I should be ok.
Them: Well, it's actually your age
Me: (thinking to myself..I knew it, I look too old for the part, damn!) Really?
Them: You look to young, we have to make you look like your 40.
Me: HAHAHAHA
Them: No really
Me: HAHAHAHAHA.....really? You do know that I am 40 right?
Them: Well, you need some gray hair, some wrinkles, you know.
Me: You just so totally made my day!
Them: (silence) Great, ok then, we will contact you later with a script.
And the kicker (ok I have to think of a better word) is that I will get paid for it! Yeah for me.
I'm sure this experience will provide me with much useful blog fodder, I will keep ya'all updated.